This got me to thinking about the possibility of revising other Christmas songs as well to include other religions and social ideologies. So, I decided to tinker with the titles of these favorite all-time Christmas songs to include others besides Christians.

Here my top 12 list of revised Christmas songs:

1. Have a Holly Jolly Hanukkah
2. All I Want for Kwanzaa Is My Two Front Teeth
3. Grandma Got Run Over by a Hoser Moose
4. Have Yourself a Merry Little Festival
5. Here Comes Fat Man
6. O Holiday Tree
7. Rocking Around the Tetherball Pole
8. Donald Trump Is Coming to Town
9. Adolph the Red-Nosed Bartender
10. Little Bummer Boy
11. The Twelve Days of Winter Solstice
12. We Wish You a Merry Mistress

Of course, the holidays are a time to include everyone. However, sometimes political correctness goes too far. Whatever happened to letting traditions remaining traditions and moving on from there?

Anyway, I wish you a merry whatever and trust at least a few of you will be on Santa watch over the next day or two.

One song that didn’t make it on the list was “I Saw Mommy Groping Santa Claus” inspired by a true story out of Danbury, Connecticut this year. Nonetheless, this list of parody is filled with hilarity and worth checking out.

Top 10 List of Parody Christmas Songs

1. Twisted Christmas by Bob Rivers
2. Oi to the World! By the Vandals
3. A Christmas Gift for You from Phil Spector by various artists (not itself a parody just the giving of a gift with Phil Spector’s name on it)
4. Mr. Hankey’s Christmas Classics by various artists
5. Elves Gone Wild by Robert Lund
6. Christmas at Ground Zero by Weird Al Yankovic
7. Hanukah song by Adam Sandler
8. 12 Days of Christmas by Bob and Doug McKenzie
9. It’s the Most Horrible Time of the Year by J. D. Titan
10. Christmastime in Larryland by Larry the Cable Guy

Some of the parodies listed above are songs while others are albums. Some of the parody Christmas songs are more politically incorrect than others so be careful playing these around adults who may take offense and kids. And, Oh, yeah fa la la la la and scratch my belly. Ha, ha.

The American Idol wannabe custodian and two friends were handcuffed by state police and kept on the ground as this mess was sorted out. The teacher heard the Welcome to the Jungle lyrics that say lines like “I wanna watch you bleed” and “You’re in the jungle baby / You’re gonna die” and thought these were directed towards her.

With all of the school and mall shootings and plots for shootings recently it is no wonder that the teacher, seemingly alone after hours, would be scared of such a situation. In addition, if this same educator had taken in Clint Eastwood’s movie “The Dead Pool” there is no doubt she would be pooping her pants when hearing the custodian sing.

At least in the future this young custodian will be able to look back on this event and laugh. He can tell family and friends that while many who sing karaoke, should be shackled by the police, he actually was. Welcome to the jungle.

Since this is the day after Bosses Day, it is only appropriate to talk about the Boss’s new album “Magic” where Springsteen takes on the Big Boss, George W. Bush and the Iraq War that he created. In Bruce’s “Magic” social and political commentary abound and will make the skin crawl of any conservative pundit.

Springsteen may have been born to run, but he wasn’t born to hide as the Boss takes on Bush in a way the begs one for the claymation video to appear soon on Youtube. Two drums up for my buddy Bruce in taking on the Man, which he does oh so well and gives him hell so there’s never any need for more cowbell.

So, I’ve put together my top 10 list of what I think will be Michael Vick’s least favorite songs to listen to while he is incarcerated.

Michael Vick’s Top 10 Songs

1. Dogs by Pink Floyd

2. Dirty Old Egg-Suckin’ Dog by Johnny Cash

3. Hound Dog by Elvis Presley

4. Who Let the Dogs Out by Baha Men

5. Dirty Dawgs by New Kids on the Block

6. Just a Dog by Big Moe

7. Junkyard Dawg by Molly Hatchet

8. Black Dog by Led Zeppelin

9. Hair of the Dog by Nazareth

10. Dog Eat Dog by AC/DC

When they do, however, Simon Cowell is sure to throw the contestants a barb or two. While watching American Idol it occurred to me that there are several insults, however, that Simon Cowell hasn’t hurled.

So, here’s a list of the top 10 barbs that Simon Cowell may one day use:

1. You remind me of a roofer banging on a weather vane.
2. An organ grinder’s monkey chatters better than you sing.
3. That sounded like several bags of cats tied to Mr. Toads Wild Ride.
4. Nails on a blackboard, that’s all I have to say.
5. Your shower just called and it wants its singer back.
6. You sounded like a theme park – not a singer – just a theme park.
7. The city pound has better singers than you.
8. That one sounded like a cow giving birth.
9. You sounded like someone in the dental chair, all numbed up, trying to sing.
10. Think of the most annoying sound in the world. Now triple it. That’s you!

Congressional Rap

I like Big Oil, Arthur Conan Doyle
Special interest groups
Bridge according to Hoyle

I’m so misunderstood
When I’m in the Capitol hood
Or the Martha’s Vineyard crib
Wearing a lobster bib

I’m a congressional rapper
House and Senate staffer
I write bills
Then I pass the buck
F*ck!

Now and then I turn a congressional page
Get a little Libby lobby
Then go negative campaign

Quite a mover shaker and I must confess
Like playing Iraqi chess
And J. Edgar Hoover
When he’s in a dress

I’m a congressional rapper
House and Senate staffer
I write bills
Then I pass the buck
F*ck!

Now and again I’ll actually do some work
Forget the perks
Make the drug ‘n’ insurance companies
Go berserk

But, that don’t happen often
As I’m too busy golfing
Laughing at the poor folk
Who live close by in Norfolk

I’m a congressional rapper
House and Senate staffer
I write bills
Then I pass the buck
F*ck!

So, there you have the work-in-progress lyrics of Congressional Rap. Hopefully, it’s worth half a chuckle and a snicker in today’s funny lyrics offering.